Part Of Your World
by iwantsprezzatura
Summary: "Please," Reg said. "I know you don't love me. I just want to be... a part of your world." - sequel to On The Fence - RegulusXOCXSirius - please read&review!
1. September 1, 1978

**Hello friends.**

**This is the sequel to my story On The Fence, so if you haven't read that, then you can go over to my profile and check that out or otherwise this story won't make much sense.  
To those who have read the prequel: Welcome back. I know the wait's been quite long, 9 months or so, but I'm back!  
**

******I apologize for any linguistic mistakes, since I am not a native English speaker, so please bear with me.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters, locations, plotlines or whatever else you might recognize.**

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It was a good thing, I thought, that it was already so late at night, or else the staircase leading to the owlery would have been much too frequented for us to sit on. Now, though, we were already sitting for a long while with no one disturbing us.

I thought it to be rather curious that we were sitting here like this. I would have bet anything that Regulus did not want to speak to me again, after everything that had gone down.

In the past two years, things between us had become very complicated. We had first been together and then broken up because he and his friends had started threatening my friends in Gryffindor. Of course, my brother, Evan, had been the one to actually make that plan, but I had still – rightfully – blamed part of it on Reg. Then, though, he had offered to save Lily Evans if only I married him. It was an offer I could not very well refuse. And we would probably be still engaged if not for Sirius.  
Sirius, Reg's brother. Sirius, whom I loved and who loved me. The situation was really messed up.

"I can't believe you're coming to me for help," I said softly, trying to keep the accusation out of my voice. "I thought you hated me."

"I don't," he said without missing a beat as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm sad and angry and disappointed-"

"I got it," I said. "I'm a horrible person."

"But I don't hate you," he finished.

Again, we sat in silence, unsure of how to proceed. Reg had told me he needed help, but he had not yet told me with what exactly. At this point, I just wanted him to spit it out. I had enough of the secrets.  
The Black brothers were masters at keeping secrets – admittedly, Sirius even more than his brother, seen as it took me months to discover that one of Sirius' best friends, Remus Lupin, was in fact a werewolf and that all of them turned into animals to keep him company. And that they owned an Invisibility Cloak and an enchanted map to ensure that they were not discovered. But I had eventually found out and decided that I did not like secrets being kept from me at all.

"I... I've done something stupid," Reg said quietly. "Something very stupid."

I looked over to him and sighed. "Just tell me, please."

Instead of answering, he rolled up his sleeve. I stared, eyes growing wide at what he was showing me. On his arm, the Dark Mark stood in stark contrast to his pale skin. It looked so _alive_ somehow, as if it would break free and ascend into the sky any second.

I took in a sharp breath. "You're right," I said. "That was stupid."

"I know," he said. "But-"

"I really don't want to hear any justification," I told him. "I didn't think you'd take it that far."

"You don't say no to the Dark Lord," he muttered. He did not look at me anymore, instead his gaze was suddenly fixed on the stair beneath him.

"No," I relented. "People like us don't."

"What d'you mean?"

"Slytherins. Cowards," I said bitterly. "Your brother would have said no."

"Could you please keep my brother out of this?"

I gave a dry laugh. "How do you expect I do that? How do you expect me not to tell your brother, whom I live with, that you're a Death Eater?"

"Just don't tell him," he said loudly.

Behind us, some of the owls hooted disapprovingly at the sudden disturbance.

"Sorry," Reg said. "But I don't want him to know."

"Why do you want me to know, then?" I asked. "How am I supposed to help?"

"I just... just needed someone to tell. No one else would get it... Crabbe, Macnair, they would just congratulate me. And I don't really-"

"You'd rather pity yourself, I get it," I said.

He huffed, clearly frustrated. "There's really no need to be so hostile."

He got up and walked down the stairs. I rolled my eyes but got up and followed him downstairs.

"I get it, you know," I told him when I caught up to him at the bottom of the staircase. "You need a friend. But, I – we are so complicated, Reg. I don't know if I can be there for you."

"I'm not asking anything of you," he said. "But to lend me an ear. Selene, please."

I sighed heavily. "How can I say no?"

"Thank you," he said. "It means a lot that-"

"Don't," I said. "Please, just don't."

He nodded stiffly and then added, somewhat awkwardly, "I still have to do the rounds."

"I guess I'll just hurry back to the common room, then."

"Yeah," he said. "If one of them catches you, tell them that I-"

"If someone catches me, it's my own fault and I'll have to stand for it," I said.

I did not want anyone knowing that we had been out here together in the middle of the night. It would lead to curious questions and the rumours would spread like a wildfire.

Reg rolled his eyes and without further ado, set off in the opposite direction.

"You only have two possibilities to get out of this, you know?" I called after him.

"Is that so?" He had stopped dead in his tracks but did not turn around to look at me.

"Yeah," I said. "Either you die... or he dies. There's no other way."

I hardly slept that night for reality sank slowly in. Reg had become a Death Eater. Just like Evan. Evan, my brother, who had turned into a monster when he had joined that crowd.

Luckily for me, the term had started just before the weekend, so I had two days to collect myself before classes started. When they did, though, the stress hit full force. We were writing our NEWTs this year and none of the teachers failed to remind us.

Professor Flitwick bestowed a ridiculous amount of homework upon us; a pile that would surely be taller than the man himself. Professor Slughorn announced the brewing of a particularly complicated potion that would have very nasty side-effects if it were done wrong. Professor Sprout, in turn, let us know that she intended to take us to Greenhouse Three – which, as rumour had it, actually continued deadly plants.

It was madness.

I spent Monday evening in the library, simply because I did not want to study with the Slytherins. Reg had hardly looked at me during classes and to be honest, I liked it better that way. If we started being friendly again, people would just get suspicious.  
I had secretly hoped Maia would be a little nicer, though. It had seemed like she was getting braver last year; brave enough to talk to me openly on the grounds. But since we returned, she had not said a single word to me. It bugged me a lot, now, that my friends were gone. Last year, I still had had the chance to go to the Gryffindors, but now, everyone was gone.

I reached the Common Room just before curfew and instantly walked towards the staircase to the dorms. I had to sidestep a few younger students, since the room was always crowded at that hour.

"Hey!"

I stopped dead in my tracks and slowly turned around. "Callie," I said.

Callie and I had been friends for the longest while. But then, she had been the one to find out about me and Sirius by seeking through my things. I had not forgiven her for siding with Reg and she thought me a blood traitor ever since. And so, we had not spoken much at all.

"I'm surprised you're back," she said.

"Why? There's only one of us who's already getting married. D'you think you still need a job? Do you think he'll let you get one?"

Had I married Reg, I sure would not have been allowed to work. Not that Reg himself would have forbidden it - at least I thought he would not – but his parents surely would not have approved. After all, which proper pureblood lady did such ordinary things as working?

Callie sneered at the mention of her upcoming wedding. "What? Black doesn't want to marry you? Even with the child and all?"

"What are you even talking about?" I asked.

A crowd had gathered around us, looking on curiously as Callie stepped closer with an amused smirk. "The child. We all know you moved in with Black, we all know you're expecting-"

"Hold up," I said. "I don't know who started this rumour, but I'll have you know – I'll have all of you know – that I'm not getting a child."

"So, you didn't move in with Black?" Callie challenged gleefully.

"Yes, I did," I bit back. "Because I love him. Not because I had anything to cover up."

"Wouldn't be the first time you're hiding skeletons in the closet, would it?" she said. "Isn't that right, Reg?"

She took a slight step to the right so I could see Reg sitting in an armchair behind her.

There was an outburst of whispered 'ooohs' and 'aaahs' and the older students hurriedly explained to the first-years what Callie was referencing.

I allowed myself a small smile. "Oh, Callie. You really are pathetic. Is your relationship really so boring that you have to sabotage all the others?"

"This has nothing do with me," she snapped.

I scoffed. "Right... I really do pity Basil. With a wife like that, who needs enemies?"

That caused her to snap. She whipped out her wand and directed it at me. "One more word," she warned.

"And then what?" I taunted. "You gonna jinx me? I'm not even armed, I wonder what the teachers will say to that."

"You dirty blood-traitor-"

"You're causing a scene." Basil had stepped up to his fiancée and pulled her back into him. He effortlessly took the wand from her hands before he turned to

the crowd around us. "What are you gawking at?" he snapped. "Run along."

The crowd dishevelled, but I still stood frozen, glaring at Callie, who had grabbed Basil's arm so hard that her knuckles turned white.

"I wish you the best of luck," I said lowly. "Merlin knows you'll need it."

Then I spun on my heel and hurried upstairs. I hauled my bag at the wall right beside my bag and its contents scattered all over the floor. I glared at the ink spilling out of its bottle.

I looked around and found Azalee Bulstrode sitting on her bed and watching me with wide eyes.

"What?" I snapped furiously.

She did not answer me and instead shrugged and turned her attention back to the mirror in her hand. I refrained from telling her that no amount of time spent in front of that thing would save anything and instead started collecting my things from the floor.  
After I had cleaned the mess, I quickly got into bed and pulled the curtains closed around me. The Silencing Charm I cast around it allowed me the peace to cry myself to sleep.

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**Reviews have always been and still are welcome :) **


	2. October 4, 1978

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to my amazing reviewers.  
****I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but my computer crashed and for the better part of the last two weeks, I did not know whether I would get my documents back at all. But I did - and so here comes another chapter.**

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Time just kept passing. Before I knew it, a month had passed since the term had started. Nothing had changed in that time. Callie hated me. Maia barely talked to me, though sometimes, she would give me a small smile when she was sure the others were not looking. Reg, even though he had been so eager to talk to me, had yet to make another attempt. I was not going to seek him out. I was not that desperate.

Not to mention, the homework kept me pretty occupied most of the time. I had thought the OWLs were a lot of work, but they were nothing compared to the NEWTs. These exams demanded excellence in the subjects you had picked. I wondered how people like Crabbe or Macnair would ever make it. I might not have been the best student, but these guys sure were not the fastest brooms in the cupboard.

I was sitting at Slytherin table, buttering a bit of toast when I noticed a Tawny Owl that looked suspiciously like James' Caesar. Surely enough, the owl swept down to me and landed in front of my plate with a gentle hoot. It was in fact James' owl and I reached out to take the letter from him.

"Hey," I cooed. "What are you doing here?"

Caesar clicked his beak impatiently and I fed him a bit of my toast.

"Greedy thing," I muttered before unfolding the letter.

_Dear Selene  
__Scratch that. That sounds stupid. Sorry, love, too much firewhiskey._

I frowned at Sirius' messy scripture.

_I borrowed James' owl, cause I can't be bothered to go outside, and honestly, I probably wouldn't make it to the post office.  
__See, first we had to drink so Prongs would have the courage and now we have to drink to celebrate.  
__Lily said yes!  
__I'd tell you all about the great things the prat said, but I don't want to ruin the story for Lily. She'll want to tell it in every detail. __I'm supposed to give you her love, by the way. Told her I'd only give you love from myself and she slapped me.  
__When's the next Hogsmeade weekend? I thought I'd come and visit you._

_Love you,  
__Padfoot._

_P.S. I can't proofread what I wrote, it's all blurry. Sorry. Sort of._

I shook my head at the parchment, smiling widely. James had been working up the courage to ask Lily to marry him all summer. I had never doubted that she would say yes, but I understood his nervousness. After all, James had been pursuing her for years and only last year had she finally relented. Admittedly, they were moving along pretty fast, but I had never seen a couple that fit together as well.

I took a bite of my toast and saw Caesar's wide, amber eyes following my every movement. I rolled my eyes and fed him the rest before I scribbled my answer on the back of Sirius' letter.

The next Hogsmeade weekend was still a few weeks away, on the weekend before Halloween, but it was a pleasant outlook nonetheless.

I tied the letter back on Caesar's leg and the owl took off at once with forcefully strokes of his wings. I sighed as I watched it go and reached out for another toast.

At the far end of the table, Callie and Maia had just sat down. At the sneer Callie sent in my direction, I decided to leave. I grabbed the toast and my bag and hurried out of the Hall. I was just making my way up the Great Staircase when Reg called out for me.

He had just left the dungeons with Macnair and Crabbe, who shook his head at him. "What do you want with the blood-traitor?"

"Nothing," Reg snapped. "Just go on without me."

"But-"

"Go," Reg ordered and the two of them strolled, laughing stupidly, into the Great Hall.

"I'm sorry about what Callie said the other day," he called out to me as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. You weren't supposed to hear any of that," I told him.

He sighed heavily. "Callie had that weird idea that there was only one reason why you'd move in with him-"

"Well, she was wrong," I said roughly. "That was just ridiculous."

"Yeah, I thought so, too..."

"But you still wanted to know, isn't that right?" I asked with raised eyebrows. "Or were you just sitting there by coincidence?"

"Selene-"

I shook my head and moved up the stairs, ignoring him as he called after me. I knew I had promised him to try and be friends, but he did not make it easy for me. How could we ever be friendly if he kept on listening to Callie?

That afternoon, Slughorn handed out the first grades of the year for the potion we had been brewing. I had been working with Emma Corner from Ravenclaw; mainly because the seat next to her had still been free and I had counted on her Ravenclaw-wits to help us. But as it turned out, I was better in Potions than she was and she had ultimately dragged me down with her.

Clearly, I was not very upset when Slughorn announced that he would now mix up the pairs, though many groaned in frustration. I got especially lucky, too. Slughorn paired me with Maia; not only had we always worked well together, but the bustling class also gave us the opportunity to finally talk.

"I'm really sorry for not talking to you earlier," she said under her breath. "But Callie always had an eye on me."

"That woman really is a pain in the arse," I grumbled. "What even is her problem?"

"I think she's jealous," Maia whispered.

"Jealous of what?" I asked incredulously. "My isolation and loneliness?"

"Your freedom," she said. "She couldn't back out of that wedding even if she wanted to."

"Callie and Basil are madly in love," I scoffed.

Maia shrugged. "Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. It's not like she could cancel it."

"Of course she could."

"But look where it got you. Isolated and lonely," she quoted. "I can't blame her for not wanting that."

"Not everyone is such a rebel," I muttered. "Maybe she's happy the way she is."

"I've never seen Callie unhappy," Maia relented. "So I can't be sure."

I let my anger at Callie out on the root I was hacking, causing the piece to look horribly distorted.

"You know," Maia added as she grabbed the knife from me. "I'll try and keep you company more often-"

"You don't need to if you don't want to," I said. "I'd hate to cause you discomfort."

"You're not causing me- look, Selene, I just..."

"I know," I said. "Don't worry about it, all right?"

"My brother," she said suddenly. "Is becoming a Death Eater."

The image of the Dark Mark burnt onto Reg's arm suddenly flashed before my eyes and I sighed heavily. "He's not the only one."

"Of course not," she whispered. "My parents are so proud..."

"My parents were, too," I said. "Of Evan."

"Yeah, Evan helped him," Maia said. "He's been at our place almost every day this summer. Never saw him so sociable."

The mention of my brother caused my heart to clench. Suddenly, the memory of New Year's Eve forced itself into consciousness. Evan had let me go then, even though I had broken into our mansion in order to get my things. And it had not fit him at all, considering how mad he had gotten when I had broken up with Regulus. James had had to save me from my brother's anger several times.

"He was always a bit of a loner," I admitted.

"I used to be so into your brother," Maia sighed. "But now, well..."

"Maia," I groaned.

"You couldn't understand," she said. "He's your brother."

I pulled a face. "Who knows what pureblood society is throwing at us next. What do you think, will they stop before or after one of us becomes our own aunt?"

"Selene!" she exclaimed, horrified, causing the two Hufflepuffs in front of us turn around and hiss at us to be silent.

I rolled my eyes and Maia whispered, "You can't say these things!"

I shrugged and started heating up the cauldron. "Luxury of those who are already disowned. I can say whatever I want."

She did not answer me, maybe because Callie had glared at her from across the room, or maybe because she did not have an appropriate answer.

There really was no justifying pureblood marriage habits, anyway. I knew how the Potters would be looked at once the news of James and Lily's engagement leaked out. No one would want to associate with them, anymore, but I knew James' parents well enough to know that they could not care less. To them, the happiness of their son was more important than anything.

I thought all families should be like that.

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	3. October 28, 1978

**Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to my reviewers :)**

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Sirius waited for me just on the other side of the gate. When I spotted him, I broke into a run until I had reached him and threw myself into his arms. He laughed as he hugged me close. I leant up and kissed him quickly.

"I missed you so much," I confessed.

"I missed you, too, love," he said before kissing me again.

A group of third-year girls passed us, giggling madly and Sirius drew back, rolling his eyes at them.

"Really? When do they grow up?"

"Not at thirteen," I scolded gently.

He huffed and held his hand out for me. "C'mon. I'm sure you've got plenty to tell me."

"Actually, I'm more interested in your news," I said as we set out down the lane towards the village. "Tell me about Lily and James."

"She said I'm not allowed to tell you proposal-details," he repeated what he had already written in his letter.

"Then just tell me how they're doing now."

"Oh, they're good," he said, pulling a face. "Too good. They were always all over each other, but now it's even worse. And Lily's only talking about wedding dresses and locations and flowers-"

I laughed at his exasperations. "You'll have to give the girl a break. She's getting married, of course she's excited."

"And James is talking about moving houses, and having enough space for children-"

"Children?" I stopped in my tracks to face Sirius. "They're barely eighteen! Don't you think they're rushing it a bit?"

"He assured me it's pre-emptive," Sirius said. "But I do think they're moving pretty fast."

I shook my head slightly as we took off towards the village again. "I don't know about you, but I don't want a baby at eighteen."

"Honestly, I don't know if I want a baby at all."

Again, I stopped, my eyebrows rising at him. "You don't want kids?"

"Well, I don't generally not want children," he back-pedalled at once. "Just, in this world, with the war going on..."

I did not quite know how to respond to that. Of course I wanted children, war or not, even if I did not want them at once. The prospect that Sirius might not share my opinion there was rather disconcerting.

"Callie's been telling everyone we moved together because I was pregnant."

Sirius' eyes widened slightly. "But you aren't, are you?"

"Of course I'm not," I snapped impatiently. "Don't you think I would've told you?"

"Well, yes," he admitted.

We walked in silence for a bit, me trying not to huff and puff, and Sirius certainly searching for something to say that would not make this worse.

"Why is she telling these things?"

"I don't know. Trying to... make me look even worse," I supplied.

"You're not looking bad in the first place," he said and I rolled my eyes at him.

"You know what I mean," I said.

"Just because of that thing with Reg-"

"That thing, you mean, where I cheated on him with his own brother?" I said roughly. "Yeah, that made me look pretty bad."

Sirius sighed heavily and again there was silence between us while we entered the village. Hogsmeade was nothing much, but it was nice to get out of the castle once in a while.

"Look," Sirius said, just as we passed Zonko's. "I know you feel bad about Reg. But-"

"I don't regret it if that's what you think," I interrupted him quickly. "I'll never regret it. But we both have to acknowledge that we committed a fault."

Sirius pulled a face, clearly uncomfortable with my words. He was a master at finding excuses for his faults, but we both had to stop running from the truth. We had made that fault, it had been really, really wrong, but we could not take it back anymore. Now, we just had to live with it.

"If you don't mind," I said in an attempt to change the topic. "I do need a new quill."

After we had done the usual round around the village, getting new quills and parchment and stocking up on sweets, we finally settled down at the Three Broomsticks. When he returned with two large glasses of Butterbeer, Sirius started filling me in on the newest developments in London.

"Moony hasn't gotten that job at the Ministry," he informed me.

"Why not?" I asked. "His grades were magnificent."

"Well," Sirius said thoughtfully. "He obviously had to tell them about his... furry little problem."

I laughed at that circumscription, one usually only James used. Before I knew Remus, I used to be terribly afraid of werewolves. But Remus was one of the nicest people I had ever met; I knew how much he suffered at the mere thought of harming someone. And since Remus carefully locked himself away every full moon, he was not dangerous at all.

"They didn't like that too much," Sirius continued. "In fact, they said he would never even be an intern at the Ministry."

"That's so unfair," I exclaimed. "Remus was an excellent student, he's probably the most responsible guy I know! Just because he won't be able to work one night a month-"

"You speak my mind," Sirius said darkly. "But those Ministry people obviously disagree."

I sighed heavily. "What about Wormtail?"

"Oh, he's got his internship. But I doubt he'll stay there."

I frowned. "What makes you say that?"

"He only got into the Misuse of Magical Artefacts Office. Arthur Weasley took him in. That whole office is a bit of a joke," Sirius said casually.

I nodded along with his explanation before asking the question that really burnt in my mind. "And what about you and James?"

"Why, we've both got money and are occupied with the Order. You know that," he added with a slightly warning tone, but that did not put me off.

"Yes, I know that, but one day this war will be over, Sirius, and we will have to live off something."

"I can always find a job," he argued. "I'm excellent at everything I do."

"Could you please take that a little more seriously?" I ground out.

"I'm always taking things-"

"If you make a pun on your name, I'm going to scream," I told him.

Sirius sighed, his hand brushing through his hair in exasperation. "Please, don't worry, love."

"I can't help it," I muttered, staring into my Butterbeer.

I really could not. I did not know what I wanted to do once I left Hogwarts; until last year, I never had to worry about that. My grades were not bad, but they were far from excellent. I had failed Transfiguration in my OWLs and my DADA grade was barely good enough to continue.  
I had to worry about where the money would come in the future; though Sirius had inherited quite a bit, that sum would not last us forever.

"Look," Sirius said. "How about I get rid of one of my worries first?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, suddenly pulled out of my thoughts.

"I worry about you, all alone in the school," he elaborated. "I saw you being in the library until late at night-"

"How-?"

With a wide grin, Sirius pulled out a worn-out piece of parchment. "Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs have officially decided to give you the Marauder's Map," he announced. "So you don't get any surprises on your way back to the common room."

I stared at him, then at the map he held out for me and then back at him. "Do you want to tell me that you watched me on that map?"

"Well-"

"Is this the new chic?" I inquired. "Stalking your girlfriend?"

He groaned and let the parchment drop onto the table. "I worry about you, I missed you, I checked if you were fine. Do you want the map or not?"

"Yes, I do," I said impatiently, seizing it from the table. "And I don't want you to ever try and stalk me again."

This was just gold; I was not allowed to worry about such important decisions like his _job_, but he was allowed to track me down because I was staying late in the library.

"I think I'd rather go back now," I told him icily.

I had already reached the door when Sirius caught up with me. "Look," he said as we stepped outside. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to invade your privacy or anything. It's just that, after everything that went down – you don't know who still wants payback."

I looked up at him, sighing gently at the beginning look in his eyes. "I know you mean well," I said. "Let's just... forget about it, all right? Let's not part fighting."

"Cheers to that," he said before pulling me closer and kissing me soundly.

The loneliness that followed Sirius' visit was strangely numbing. Luckily for me, I was not even required to go to the library that night; most Slytherins were so exhausted that they went to bed early or otherwise did not want to pay me any attention.

When almost everyone had gone to bed, I pulled the map out again. Looking around to make sure nobody was watching me, I tipped the parchment gently with my wand. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

The lines of the map spread out over the parchment and I watched it with renewed fascination. The map did not only show the school; it showed everyone who roamed the halls. I spotted a dot labelled, 'Selene Rosier' right where I was sitting in the common room. 'Minerva McGonagall' was still in her office, even that late at night. 'Thomas Corner', our head-boy, was using the prefect's bathroom.

And up in the Astronomy Tower, a dot labelled 'Regulus Black' was moving back and forth. I stared at it for a while, but Reg never ceased his pacing. The decision formed in my mind quickly; yet, I had to wait another half an hour until the last group sixth-years had finally gone up to the dorms.

Thanks to the map, I made my way through the castle without being discovered by any prefects or, worse, Filch. According to the parchment, the caretaker was busy tracking down Peeves. I wondered when he would ever give it up.

Reg was still pacing when I reached the top of the Astronomy Tower. He jolted to a sudden halt when he spotted me.

"Selene," he breathed. "How did you-?"

"Magic," I supplied, causing him to roll his eyes at me. "Why are you here?"

"I needed to get my head free," he said gruffly. "Didn't work."

I sighed and walked over to join him at one of the battlements.

"Seen you in Hogsmeade," Reg said. "I hope my brother has behaved."

"We're talking about Sirius," I said, fingers tightening around the map. "But I cleared the issue."

Reg actually smiled a little. "If you ever need him punched in the face-"

"I'll do it myself. But thanks for the offer."

I leant against the wall and watched as he stared into the distance. "So," I asked. "What's got you pacing all night?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Flashbacks," he pressed out between clenched teeth. "Guilty conscience."

"For what?"

"Do you know what they have you do for initiation?" he asked bitterly. "You've got to prove you're... willing to obey all orders."

I shifted uncomfortably. "What exactly-?"

"They have you kill a Muggle."

My mouth opened but my vocal chords did not obey. I stared at him incredulously. So Reg was not only a Death Eater, he was also a murderer. Excellent.

"Yeah," he said, turning away from me. "That's what I thought."

"No, Reg, I-"

"It was a girl. Our age, I guess," he whispered.

"And you just killed her?" I asked, anger bubbling up inside me. "Honestly, Reg-"

"It was her or me," he snapped.

"So that makes it okay?" I challenged.

"No!" he yelled. "None of this is okay! None of this! I'm... you should go."

"Yes, I should," I said. "Because when you asked me to be your friend, you did not mention that you're in fact a killer!"

"What was I supposed to do?" he snarled.

"Tell me the truth, how about that? Or not kill people in the first place!"

I could not believe that he was actually making excuses, as if there was any way to justify this.

"They were going to kill me instead!" he exclaimed.

"Then you should have died," I snapped.

Reg stumbled a few feet back as if I had hit him, shaking his head. "You don't mean that."

We stared at each other, my words still hanging between us. Of course I did not mean it. I did not want Reg dead and I never would. But the fact that he would comply with such a thing had me furious.

"I'm going back to bed," I announced.

I walked past him and towards the stairs before he called me back.

"You didn't mean it, did you?"

Our eyes met for a split second and I shook my head. "Of course I didn't mean it."

* * *

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	4. November 15, 1978

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There were only six people in the whole year that wanted to pass their NEWTs in Ancient Runes. Three of them were Ravenclaws, including the Corner twins and a girl whose name just would not stick in my mind. The other two were Hufflepuffs; they possessed the sort of kindness that seemed to be born out of pity.

I really, really disliked Hufflepuffs.

Personally, I thought Ancient Runes to be very interesting, if very time-consuming. There were symbols for each and everything, some showing words that did not even exist anymore. I probably should not have been surprised about such things, the subject's name spoke for itself, anyway.  
Just now, we were trying to translate a word just like that.

"Oh, I know it," Emma Corner said with her hand stretched towards the ceiling. "It looks like a bit like trust – maybe trustworthy?"

"Not exactly," Professor Babbling said encouragingly. "Give it another shot."

"Faith," one of the Hufflepuffs suggested.

"You're all very close," she said. "But it's a specialised sort of trust."

I rolled my eyes at that. Who ever had invented Runes had built in a lot of specialised sort of things.

"A specialised sort of trust?" the nameless Ravenclaw girl echoed. "What kind of trust?"

"Well, the trust you would build in, say, family."

I closed my eyes, sighing yet again. The trust you build in family. I had no trust in my family.

"The trust between brother and sister," Professor Babbling added with a wink to Emma and Thomas.

Like the trust I had shattered between two brothers. The guilt I felt because of the whole Reg-Sirius-business slammed back in full force.

"So?" the professor said. "How would you translate this sentence?"

"Excuse me," I said suddenly. "I don't feel good. I'd like to go to the Hospital Wing."

Every eye turned to me; the Hufflepuffs watching me with pity and the Ravenclaws with disapproval.

"Of course," Professor Babbling said. "Do hurry to get better, dear."

I nodded and grabbed my quill and parchment before hurrying out of the classroom.

I did not go to the Hospital Wing. Instead, I turned my steps towards the Library. Madam Pince was like a lioness when it came to treating the books right, but she did not ask questions when I turned up at uncommon times like this.  
I hurried up a flight of steps and turned the corner, just to freeze in my spot. In a niche quite close to me, Regulus was standing with his pals Macnair and Crabbe.  
They were whispering to each other urgently, Reg seemingly being the angriest. I could not understand a word they said, but I watched with wide eyes as Reg pulled up his sleeve. He showed them the mark, there was no doubt about it, since both of them backed up a bit.  
Reg was looking at them expectantly while he rolled down the sleeve again. Both Macnair and Crabbe finally nodded and I hurried to jump back around the corner while the three of them excited the niche.

Their footsteps echoed into silence and I figured they had left along the corridor. Carefully I stepped around the corner and ran straight into Regulus.

"Saw you there," he said. "Thought I'd wait for you to come out."

"Oh, great," I snarled.

"Why aren't you in class?" Reg demanded.

"What do you care?" I asked.

"I'm a prefect, I could-"

"You put me in detention, maybe I'll drop a hint with whatever teacher I get that you go around using your Dark Mark to impress fellow students."

Reg's eyes narrowed at me dangerously. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would. Maybe should do it right now! It would be the right thing, wouldn't it? You said you didn't want to tell them!" I accused.

He glared at me in turn. "You don't have any idea-"

I held up both hands in an attempt to stop him. "I don't bloody care about any excuses, Reg. You wanted my support," I said, shaking my head. "But you haven't changed. You're proud of that."

I gestured to the arm that bore the Dark Lord's mark and he self-consciously tugged on his sleeve.

"You wanted me to believe that you regret everything that's happened, but behind my back, you go around bragging about it. The truth is, Reg, you have a hairy heart. I don't see why I'm wasting my time with you."

Reg sneered at me. "Oh, that's rich. I have a hairy heart? You're the one who cheated on me with my brother."

"Maybe I wouldn't have if you had been a better person!" I snapped angrily.

We both glared at each other furiously. What was it that made all our talks escalate so quickly lately? I would have rather not been fighting with him, but I felt betrayed. I had been quite lenient. I had accepted that he had become a Death Eater; I had tried to look past the fact that he was also a murderer. And yet, here he was, showing off all that as if it was some kind of achievement.

"They wanted to attack someone. A Muggle-born, first year. I tried talking them out of it."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you saying?"

"They wouldn't listen until I showed them the Mark. I was just..."

"Are you trying to tell me you're the hero in this story?" I asked. "Because you could have been making this up."

"Sure," he said. "I guess you'll just have to trust me."

I scoffed humourlessly. "I think none of us can trust the other."

He shook his head and then passed me and left the corridor without another word. I took a deep steadying breath and closed my eyes.

I screwed up now, did I not?

I somehow made my way to the library, but I did not pay much attention to the way over.

Reg could have been telling the truth, no questions. He could also have been lying. I would not put it past him. We both had lied to each other so many times already, it was hard to tell the difference between lie and truth.  
I sat down at a desk at the far part of the library, very close to the Restricted Section, hoping not to be disturbed with my thoughts. I spread out my Potions books and parchments, thinking of maybe starting on the essay Slughorn had assigned us, but I did not write a single word.  
I would have liked to share the truth, but I had no one to turn to. There were no friends I had here, and Sirius, to whom I could written, was not supposed to know that I even talked to his brother.

"Selene?"

I flinched violently, knocking one of the books from the table.  
Maia quickly bent down and picked it up, but in the millisecond that it had took her, Madam Pince had already reached us.

"Miss Rosier," she screeched.

The funny thing about Madam Pince was that she always kept her voice at an appropriate level for the library, but she could still scream at you. It was one of nature's mysteries.

"I'm very sorry, Ma'am."

"You better be, or I'll ban you-"

"No," I said at once. "Please don't, it was an accident, it won't happen again."

She did not treat me to a response, but instead grabbed the book that had fallen right out of Maia's hands and stalked off to tend to it.

"Merlin," Maia said. "Nothing happened to that book."

"Don't let her hear you. She's afraid one of her babies might get seriously hurt."

Maia grinned weakly and sat down opposite to me. "I have news."

"All right then," I said. "Shoot."

"My parents want me to marry," she told me.

"That doesn't come as a surprise, does it?" I inquired. "You're already eighteen."

"Yes, but..." She gnawed on her bottom lip before suddenly blurting out, "Teywanmetomarrymanar."

I blinked confusedly. "Come again?"

"They want me to marry Macnair," she said very pointedly.

"Oh," I made, because that explained her rather downcast demeanour.

Maia's eyes slowly watered and I reached out to grab her hand.

"There, there," I said. "No need to cry."

"Oh, but he's a brute," she exclaimed. "I can't marry him! I don't like him the littlest bit."

I swallowed hard, knowing full well that she would not like my advice. "Then don't."

Her watery eyes focused on me and she shook her head. "I can't refuse! My parents will-"

"What?" I asked. "Disown you?"

"Yeah," she breathed.

I sighed heavily and leant forward so that I could whisper to her. "I told you before and I'm telling you again: if you need to get out, just say the word. I have connections, I can help you."

Again, she shook her head, even more ferociously. "I can't, I really can't."

"All right," I said, sitting back. "I just wanted you to know that you have options."

"But look where it got you," she muttered.

Then, she said something that rang very true, that was understandable, but that sent a stabbing pain through my heart.

"I don't want to end up like that."

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	5. December 23, 1978

**So... thanks to everyone who read and fav'd and alerted and most of all to my two reviewers. Thank you guys!**

* * *

I stepped off the train and suddenly had two people pulling me to them. I squeaked as I fell onto the platform, pulling my trunk after me.

"Damn it, Padfoot! Look, you made her fall!"

"I just wanted to hug her, Prongs, you're the one who made her fall!"

"Did not!

"Did too!"

"Guys," I said weakly. "Help?"

"Oh," Sirius said. "Sure, sorry, love."

He helped me to my feet and then finally hugged me close, almost crushing me in the process. "I missed you," he whispered to me, probably hoping that James would not hear it.  
He had no such luck.

"You're a prat," James announced, pulling Sirius back. "Let me greet her, too."

"Prongs," Sirius growled dangerously, but James paid him no mind. Instead, he hugged me before announcing, "You're celebrating Christmas with us."

"I am?" I inquired.

"Yes," James said. "Mum wants both you and Sirius with us, though I really don't know why she'd want him there-"

"Who's the prat now?" Sirius asked, before pushing the trunk at James. "Let's get going."

James glowered, but he grabbed my trunk while Sirius lead me towards the exit. I was vaguely aware of the stares and the gossipers, but I was much too happy to worry about that. Having Sirius so close to me made me feel like I was suddenly more alive. It was the best feeling in the world.

"I'm sorry about that brat, by the way," Sirius said, jerking his head in James' direction. "Couldn't convince him to stay home."

"But that's nice," I said. "I'm really happy you came, James."

Sirius rolled his eyes while James caught up to us with a wide grin plastered on his face. "See," he said to Sirius. "Even your own girlfriend likes me better than you."

I laughed while Sirius grimaced. "I wouldn't go quite as far," I said.

We passed into the Muggle world, trying not to look too suspicious. But King's Cross was crowded as always, so all the Hogwarts students and their parents hardly got noticed. Outside, James left us to apparate from a deserted alleyway.

"Don't forget about tonight," he called to Sirius before he vanished into the streets of London.

"Tonight?" I inquired while Sirius pulled my trunk towards the taxi stands.

"Well," Sirius said sheepishly. "Prongs, Moony, Wormtail and I wanted to have an early Christmas dinner..."

I frowned at him. "It's my first day home."

Actually, I had counted on him being there tonight. I had been missing him for months and now that I got here, he left with his friends.

"I know and I'm sorry but - you could invite Lily over?" he suggested meekly.

"Well...," I said. "I thought-"

"I know," he repeated and he actually looked very sorry. "And I promise you'll have me all to yourself as soon as Christmas is done, and I'll make it up to you over and over again and-"

"Okay," I interrupted him, smiling slightly. "Okay. You just go and have fun tonight."

He eyed me suspiciously. But I was not joking. Though I was far from thrilled, I would not forbid him to go out tonight. Why should I? We would be far happier if we did not make this complicated now.

"I mean it," I told him. "I need to catch up with Lily, anyway."

Sirius' face lightened up considerably when he realized that I was serious. "Merlin, I love you," he blurted out before leaning over to kiss me.

"Love you, too," I said when he pulled back.

"You standing there all day or d'you want a taxi?"

We both turned to the Muggle taxi driver leaning out of the window of a nearby car. I grinned and Sirius heaved the trunk into the boot.

Back before I had been disowned, I had always felt more at home at Hogwarts than at my parents'. Now, though, Hogwarts felt hostile and cold. Arriving at Sirius' flat - for, in my mind, it was still Sirius' flat and not ours and it would probably be that way until I earned money to support that place - felt like coming home, though.

"I actually cleaned up just for you," Sirius admitted, making me laugh again.

"Let me guess - Scourgify?"

He scratched his head and grinned cautiously. "That didn't work so well. Had to do it manually then."

I shook my head at him, amused. How could a man so adapt at magic not be able to simply clean an apartment?

"I expected a bit more appreciation."

"Oh, I do appreciate it," I said, smiling. "You're the best."

Sirius adjusted his postured and smirked at me. "I know." He swaggered towards me and pulled me to him. "I am after all... Sirius Black. There's no one quite like me."

I giggled. "Oh, no one."

He leant forward and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed myself close to him. Sirius' hand tangled in my hair, the other resting gently on my waist. His lips moved over mine smoothly, before he gently trailed his tongue along my lower lip.  
His grip on my waist tightened; he pulled me even closer before spinning me around. Sirius backed me against the nearest wall, hands roaming over my body while our tongues tangled together. He moaned roughly and I pulled my mouth from his, chuckling at his attempt to pull me back.

"Dinner, remember?" I gasped out.

"I changed my mind," Sirius proclaimed. "I don't care about dinner. I'm staying tonight."

I chuckled again and finally pushed off the wall. "You are not," I said.

"I am. C'mon, it's just Prongs, the guy's more of a pain than an enjoyment and-"

I held up a hand to stop him. "We have two weeks, darling, show a little patience."

Sirius pulled a face and then attempted to pull me to him again. I swatted his hand away, laughing. "Oh, go fresh up, you big baby. And stop pouting!" I called after him as he trotted away towards the bathroom.

Sirius showed me how to use the 'telephone', a Muggle device to communicate between households. The flat did not have a fireplace and even if it had - the Evans household sure was not connected to the Floo Network. The 'telephone' allowed me to hear Lily's voice and speak to her; I had to hand it to the Muggles, they knew how to make their lives easier.

She arrived just as Sirius was getting ready to leave. She hugged me tightly, while he tried to push past us out the door.

"Oh, Sirius!" Lily scolded. "Won't you greet me?"

"I opened the door," he said. "You just chose to neglect me."

"Excuse me," she said. "For Selene being a priority tonight. I haven't seen her in ages!"

"Well, my priorities for tonight are already waiting," Sirius retorted. "If you'll excuse me."

My wish of 'have fun' already echoed from the closed door. I chuckled, but Lily looked put off.

"Don't look so sour," I told her. "It's our night!"

"Right," she said, her smile spreading again. "How have you been?"

"Oh, don't ask," I groaned. "Hogwarts has been messy. You just tell me about the proposal."

For the next half hour, I heard every detail of how James had asked Lily to marry him. It was really not much of a story, because James had went with a classical approach to be on the safe side. She still managed to make it out to be the most romantic proposal in the history of human kind; and I really thought that for her, it was.

"So," I asked. "Do you already have a date for the wedding?"

Lily, who had so far been positively gushing, suddenly sobered. "No. But we want it to be real soon."

"The way you say that makes me think there's more to that wish," I said.

"You're right. Look, James' mother isn't too well," Lily said cautiously.

I stiffened. Mrs Potter was one of the nicest people I had ever met. Last year, when I had left home, she and her husband had took me in wihout further ado, just as they had with Sirius. In fact, they treated Sirius like their own son.

"What exactly do you mean by 'not well'?" I asked.

"She's getting sicker by the week," Lily admitted.

"But," I said. "There's got to be something the healers can do, if she goes to 's-"

"They've tried," Lily said. "But I guess she's just old..."

"Not old enough!" I exclaimed.

"Is anyone ever old enough?" Lily asked quietly.

"How's James dealing with it?" I asked. "Sirius didn't even mention-"

"Oh, you know them," Lily said thoughtfully. "They're in denial. James puts all his time into the Order and I think Sirius just does the same. And whenever I ask how he's doing, James just says he's splendid and so in love with me and can't wait to get married. Which would be super sweet if I didn't think that he just said that to avoid the issue."

I sighed heavily, slumping back into the chair. It seemed to be just like them, in fact, to avoid this issue. They were the kind of people who laughed everything off. But I also knew how much James loved his family. And Sirius, aside from being grateful, also considered them as something very close to parents. If Mrs Potter died...

"This is bad," I said. "This is really bad."

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	6. January 1, 1979

**I'm so sorry I haven't updated these past two weeks, but I've just been so busy with exams and visits and life in general ;) But here we are, Chapter 6! Thanks to everyone who read, fav'd, alerted and most of all to my reviewers!**

* * *

On the first day of the new year, we were yet again invited to join the Potters. As when we had first visited on Christmas Eve, Mrs Potter greeted us from the couch, cuddled into her blankets. While Sirius joined James and his father in the kitchen, I sat down by her side.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, fine, fine," she assured me. "I'm quite comfortable."

She did not look the part. Mrs Potter was eerily pale, her cheeks were hollow and she sported dark rings beneath her eyes. Apparently, the healers at St. Mungo's were unable to help her - they did not quite know what the cause of her illness was. All they knew was that she was deathly ill.

"If you need anything-"

"I'll send my son after it," she said with a small smile. "I worked for him my whole life, he can at least pay me back on my deathbed."

"You're not dying." We both looked up and found Sirius grinning at us. "If there's one thing I know about you Potters, it's that I never get rid of you."

Mrs Potter started laughing; it sounded weak from the start but got even flimsier as she continued before her laugh turned into coughing. She bent forward, and I reached out to steady her. She coughed and coughed, hardly able to draw in air in the midst of her fit. Finally catching her breath, Mrs Potter sank back onto the couch, eyes kept shut as she breathed deeply.

"I'm getting you something to drink," I announced, but got no reaction from her.  
Mrs Potter had drifted into sleep. It was, yet again, a symptom of her illness that she tired more than quickly.

I got up and joined Sirius who watched the sleeping woman with a stern face. "Hey," I said gently, reaching for his hand.

"She's not dying," he said in a voice that chilled me to the bone. "She's not dying."

"'Course not."

I turned my head and found Remus strolling into the room. If possible, Remus looked even more worn out than usual. He had yet to find a job; no one wanted to employ a werewolf. It was an injustice that screamed to the heavens, but it could not be helped.

"Would you know that by your wolf senses?" Sirius joked.

"There's no lying to my nose," Remus said with a small grin. "It's why I always know where to look for you."

Much to my relief, Sirius cracked a grin. I pulled him into the kitchen and sent Remus, who was following us, a thankful nod.  
The Potter men were tending to several pots and pans, though James seemed to mainly work under Lily's orders. Peter was standing in the corner, watching them with wide, watery eyes.

"Hey Pete," I greeted. "Happy New Year."

"Oh," he said. "Yes, to you, too."

"Merlin, Wormtail," Sirius chided. "Get a grip on yourself."

Peter nodded hurriedly at his friends' words, while Sirius rolled his eyes at him.

"Be nice," I said.

Sirius pulled face but then turned to Peter again. "Sorry, Wormtail," he said. "I'm just a bit on edge tonight."

"We all are, son," Mr Potter said with a gentle clap to Sirius' shoulder. "At least you've got your girl to set you straight."

Mr Potter winked at me an then returned to is pots while Sirius whispered to me, "Yeah, I am quite lucky."

"You are," I said with a chuckle.

"Too bad she's gone most of the year," James said with a grin at Sirius. "You're barely bearable on your own."

"Hardly tolerable," Remus added with a smirk.

I laughed along with the two before giving Sirius a peck on the cheek. "I sure should watch out better for you, but alas-"

"She's got other Blacks to set straight, too."

While we had laughed before, Sirius and I suddenly sobered and turned to Peter, who seemed to be shocked at his own words.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius said an when he did not get an answer, asked me, "What is he talking about?"

I shifted uncomfortably under the friends' gaze. "I don't-"

"Please," James groaned, finally abandoning the cooking. "Tell me you haven't been ingratiating yourself with the toerag again."

"I haven't been ingratiating myself," I said defensively, causing them all to groan.

"Selene," Remus said gently. "I thought you had learnt-"

"He's been going through a rough patch," I said, looking around in the hopes of finding a sympathetic face. Yet not even Lily seemed to understand. In fact, she had crossed her arms in front of her chest and was frowning deeply at me.

"A rough patch," Sirius repeated. "A rough patch? It's got to be terribly rough, protected by Mommy and Daddy, mocking Mudbloods all day long-"

"Enough, children," Mr Potter said sternly. "Let's have peace."

Sirius glared at me and then grabbed a stock of plates to carry them to the table.

He did not talk to me for the rest of the evening. While I understood is anger to a certain extent, I thought he was being extremely childish.  
Mrs Potter made it to the table for the better part of an hour. That lightened the mood quite a bit, and apart from Sirius, everyone seemed to have forgotten our argument. He, though, was still glaring at me when we returned home that night.  
The door fell shut behind us and he promptly rounded on me.

"I can't believe you're friends with him!" he snapped.

"I said nothing of the sort," I said. "I just talked to him once or twice and he's been having rough time is all."

"After everything he's put you through," Sirius started, but I quickly interrupted him.

"After everything I've put him through, the least I can do is listen to him when he needs it," I tried to reason.

Not to mention that Reg and I did not really get along well; but I refused to share that bit of information with Sirius, not when he was being so ridiculously jealous.

"Oh," Sirius said with a bitter laugh. "Oh, I see. And how far does this go?"

"You better don't suggest what I think you're suggesting" I bit out. "That's ridiculous."

We glared at each other and I reached up to brush my fingers through my hair in frustration. Somehow, we fought a lot, I thought, and I was terribly tired of it.

"Come on," I said gently. "I just worry about Reg. There's nothing more to it, I promise."

"But you worry," Sirius said. "Why?"

"I can't tell," I said. I had promised not to tell Sirius, after all. Besides, I doubted that the knowledge of what Reg had become would lessen any of Sirius' worries.

"You can't tell," he muttered. "Splendid."

"I swear to Merlin, there's no need for jealousy," I told him. "I promise."

Sirius slowly sat down on the couch, staring at the wall ahead. I gently said down next to him, glancing at him every few seconds and waiting for his answer.

"Only talking?" he said finally.

"Only talking," I confirmed. "Not even a friendly hug, I promise."

He took a few deep breaths. "All right. Fine."

"Good," I said, relieved at his change of tone.

"I'm sorry," he added. "Just... any mention of him makes the alarm bells go off."

I nodded and reached over to squeeze his hand. "I understand. I'm sorry for not telling you."

He nodded, too and then pulled me closer so that I rested my head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped safely around me.

"I love you," I said.

"I love you, too," he said.

I closed my eyes and relaxed into his arms, grateful that we had finished that argument. There was one last thing that worried me, though. How had Peter even known?

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